Year end review blues and what to do
Seriously, I’ve been in a struggle mode since we returned from our time away. Could this be the year end review blues?
Maybe it’s the tediousness of routine or the inundating thoughts of everything that awaits? Maybe it is my piles of mess that seem to mock me in every corner in almost every room. Perhaps it is the cold and the unfinished building going on, a state of perpetual ‘undone-ness’ that I walk through every day. I want to ignore it but I cannot. It is a situation that cannot be immediately changed but must be accepted with patience.
Speaking of changes, when it comes to getting things done or keeping to routines, I fail miserably. I am pretty good at procrastinating but my end of the year outlook has me perched on a mountain of ‘todos’. The view is both terrifying and dizzyingly overwhelming. But why is this I ask myself? Who’s time clock am I on? And to whom am I accountable?
The fear of losing grip on the important things is there. I want to have the energy I used to have, the mental strength and stamina, but that in the moment isn’t the case. For my family’s sake, I am doing the best I can. There is always this niggling doubt that it is not good enough, and I know well enough where that comes from. In such times of struggle, my place of retreat is prayer, my place of encouragement is in God’s word. After all, the One who created me knows best what I need, and when I need to hear it.
When I confess you hear my cry
And come when I call
You are near.
What more need I but to live by your Law
And your ways they are right,
Right for me and those I love.
What number of days have I
I cannot tell
Only cleanse my heart
That I may travel them unhindered
In close communion
You hear me and know me, what more can I ask?
Such love as this penetrates body and soul.
And who am I to betray your gift
By walking away,
Seeking after the world whose gifts are
Glitter, tinsel, and wax,
Blown away and melting
When all is cast gray, illusions fade quickly
And clutter distracts,
To take each day or moment
to bring all in order so unshackled
the race may be won.
A pure heart and mind, body and soul
for you, I set aside,
In you, I endure the race to the finish
And help where it’s needed,
Under tumultuous cheers of those
Who’ve gone before.
For what I have endured,
May I bring a light, a comfort, a word
To encourage and lend a hand
To cheer on those who would